Appetite

A friend asked me today if I have noticed a change in appetite .  The simple answer is yes. The long answer is that I am still in recovery and just cannot manage more than 5 meals a day consisting of 3oz of liquid. It is hard to feel hungry after 4+ days of no real food. I am certain that hunger will come back as I slowly increase my foods.
On Moday I start puree foods. I will be allowed 3 - 4 oz at a meal. It is still not much food so my stomach will still be used to small amounts.
After a week of that I get to start adding in soft foods like eggs.
I had an interesting experience last night.
We were out late with the kids and they were hungry. We decided to stop and get them  McDonalds for  dinner.  My husband and the kids all had their food and I had my water.  As I was sipping my water I realized that I was NOT in any way hungry and that if it weren't for the band I would have eaten just because everyone else was eating.  I am sure there are thousands of times in my past where I was not hungry but I ate anyway. I spent my life not listening to actual hunger cues.  I am beginning this journey and I know I have much to learn.

Post Op mess

That's my lovely abdomen.  five incisions.  awesome.
Pre op weight 282
Today's weight 272
I'm going to post other stats soon.  It isn't easy to admit to these things.  I am at that place where I have no choice if I want to get better. 

Breakdown

I had a major crying break on the phone a few minutes ago.  I tried calling my surgeons office yesterday but couldn't get through.  They were supposed to call me to up my meals.  I figured it wasn't too big a deal and that I would call today.
Well, I called today and spoke to the receptionist.  She said that the nurses handle meal changes and that they are only there on Thursday.  Well, great.  Nobody called me yesterday.
I don't know what happened but I started crying.  I just felt completely abandoned.  I never spoke with the surgeon after surgery was over.  He never spoke with my husband either.  I kind of felt like that was messed up. I spoke to someone the following day and she said that he might have had an emergency but she wasn't sure why he didn't come see me.  She was so nice that I just didn't worry anymore.  She reminded me that someone should be calling me on Thursday about my diet.
So, while I was on the phone today I just couldn't handle it.  All I could think was how the surgeon didn't even come see me after surgery and now they aren't helping me adjust my diet.
The receptionist was so very nice and said she'd see if the doctor could call me but I just couldn't stop crying. As it is, I'm still crying.  I'm not even 100% sure why I'm crying right now.  This is not turning out to be a fun day.

Day 1 Post Op

It was a quiet and relaxing day. My poor husband has been doing so much.
I'm feeling ok. I'm taking Vicodin for the pain. I'm not hungry at all but I can tell when my blood sugar dips and I need some juice or protein drink. 3 oz at a time is all I can do. Other than that I'm just sipping on water watching Netflix and taking a stroll through the halls now and again.

The surgery itself went smoothly, as far as I know. When I woke up I was in pain and felt nauseous. It was so strange. I couldn't open my eyes but I could hear everything. I kept feeling like I was forgetting to breathe. I didn't like the drugs and the spinning in my head.

Today is the day

I'm nervous but ready.  I have the girls ready to go to my friends house and we are heading out the door.  I will be in the OR at 11:30 getting the lap-band.

So close

I'm now very nervous. I have never had any type of anesthesia so this is a big deal.
Francisco keeps telling me it is going to be fine. That is what he should do. I don't feel like it's helping. I worry that I could be one of the rare few that pass away. What would my children think? Would they think me selfish? Would they understand that my whole purpose in doing this is to give them a better life?
I really need to not go there in my thoughts.
I bought veggie stock and juice for my three says of liquids. I also bought black beans and avocados to purée. I'm having my favorite ciabatta sandwich for lunch tomorrow. I am ready. I am so ready.
I am lucky too. Francisco is so supportive. He is ready to make lifestyle changes right along with me. He knows that this is a major change and he has prepared himself to walk right by my side through the whole thing. I love that about him.